Is it true your mind shouldn't go where it keeps going? No.
How do you react when you believe this thought?
I'm disgusted with myself.
I tell myself :I'm wasting time.
I should be doing other things.
I'm a loser.
I have no control.
There's something wrong with me....
Without that thought..."I shouldn't keep allowing my mind to go to _____."(and it does)
I feel much more peaceful.
I'm not resisting.
I feel compassionate toward myself.
I notice it happening and I am open to it...curious
Turned around..."I should keep allowing my mind to go to _______."
1. It feels much better than resisting.
2. It is accepting of my condition.
3. I have no idea how much longer I am going to think of ______.
I have no control of what thought enters my "head".
4. I still have alot of painful feelings coming from uninvestigated beliefs that show up when I think about this person. I want to identify them so I can question them. They are coming for me. If they are coming for me I really want to write them down and welcome them--even thank them.
5. Every belief I am holding will come up again in my next relationship if I don't do The Work on it and find out the truth.
Then we took it one step further to "how".
This is called a living turnaround.
I need to consider specifically how can I do that? What would it look like?
"I should keep allowing my mind to go to______."
1. I will keep a notebook by my bed at night so if I can't sleep, I can write down the thoughts that come.
2. I will set aside 10 minutes each day to specifically focus on this(person) and see what thoughts and feelings arise and write them down.
3. I will intentionally review all my experiences with this person, and make a list of situations to write worksheets on. I will specifically look for any tiny hurt or feeling of anger or disappointment.
4. I will allow my mind to revisit this person in the specific moment while I inquire and observe and report.
This intentional looking feels completely different--like it's coming from a place of strength and wholeness. I am pro-active, not reactive. I see these thoughts coming as a gift--an opportunity for freedom vs imprisonment.
I look forward to it and the fear is gone. The entire stressful situation is transformed to one of Loving Kindness.
My "enemy" is now my "saviour" showing me my beliefs.
The above work is a very abbreviated version of all we considered. It was truly amazing work for me. I've had that thought so many times and had never done The Work on it. The following is part of a thank you note I wrote to the woman who offered us that thought to work:
"Last night after the group I went for a walk and I allowed my old boyfriend to just float through my mind as I said the TA to myself ("I should keep allowing my mind to go to_____"). It was so fun. I saw him just like floating through smiling, waving, doing summersaults--it just made me smile. Then I invited a couple of images of my son--one when he was looking at me shortly before he killed himself, saying "what are you looking at?" it has been a painful image. This time it really opened me to the depth of compassion in me-- how it's so good he comes to remind me of me in his state of mind, of how to be so gentle with myself and others and just the huge feelings of my heart reminding me of who I was then and having compassion for her. I want him/that image to come and keep reminding me, opening me to not leave this space. I also invited the image of him--after he killed himself and I got the interpretation that this is a symbol of what the ego wants to do to me--it's best advice to end pain and how it doesn't work... that's me in a suicidal state of mind-- it's not bad or shameful-- just simply cause and effect-- if i think a hateful thought. So I just really wanted to let you know how helpful your being at the meeting and sharing your truth with me and the group was. You can be sure you are never alone in your thinking--the only one thinking it...
"You should be thinking every thought you are thinking" sounds much truer, doesn't it?
It's a happening.
Thoughts come through. They come to pass...
It's when you make it personal--attach to it, that guilt is born. (Eckhart Tolle)
It's always here for you--for your freedom.
Amen, sisters and brothers! Any other way hurts...