grace

grace
is the door that refuses to close...
it cannot BE shut,

you can't stop anything or anyone from coming to you
or from leaving,

grace is the open door
that can never hold anything out,

feel the grace,
watch the flow,

free
to come

free
to go

Source is what matters

Source never comes,
Source never goes

Source,
not this,
not that

Source,
yes, this,
yes, that,

Only the Love,
all shapes,
no shape

what if you opened up the coffee pot
and sunbeams jumped out?!

there never was a time
that you were not this

you are not what you THINK you are,
no image,
no picture
can hold you

no one would freeze a fountain,
the nature of a fountain is to express,
to fount...

to casually throw her sweater across her shoulder,
cross her legs and uncross,
to toss the sofa pillow on the floor,
to spill the pretzels and coke

Radiant in the sun!

holy eyes are gifted
by the splash,
the crackle,
plop
and fizzle

so soft you can barely hear the whisper of the breeze,
melting ice cream running down the stick
on to hands and cheeks...

where did we ever get the idea that
this should all stand still?

no photo breathes.

Gratitude needs nothing else,
gratitude licks the sunlight on the branch,
gratitude is graced by the tiniest remnant
of an ant's leg

there are hefty fees to pay
without gratitude,

the fee of life itself,
consider the price--everything
is missed

only gratitude gives you everything
and everyone,
the food on your plate,
the taste of a berry

without gratitude my wallet is empty
even though it is full,
my arms, empty, even when they hold,
without gratitude I miss the sun in the sky,

my very Heart,
mistaken
for nothing

Reverence.

grace is the door
that cannot be shut


​
road to nowhere

​the road to nowhere,
been around this block a few times!

grab that milkshake,
grab those fries,
Quick, fast food, fast!

has it solved your loneliness yet?

the air IS your brother,
but she can not give you back
what you have never lost

that swell of war
against what is
is your only weapon

it is only this
that causes the pain
that seeks relief

no milkshake,
no kiss,
no idol,
however slight
or hynotizing

can ever take away the pain
of that needle in your foot,
the log in your eye

be still now,
see clearly,
all you need,
all you truly desire
is to kindly
remove the needle

Inquiry, The Final Frontier:
Leaving everything behind,
​I have no idea where I am going...

Hello darkness, my old friend. 
It comes to talk to you...
again...and again
...and again...
hey darkness, tell me...
tell me...
everything...
i'm your friend

 I just did the Work with someone on his father's suicide. It has haunted him for 20 years. Such a gift to go there--really go there--and find out the truth. To find genuine peace. At last. It was his first experience doing The Work. So grateful.

So many eyes to look through...
So many points of viewing...

Hi All,
February 15 was the first day of a Teleclass I am offering called Ending The War on Death. I wanted to share a piece of inquiry that was really powerful for me. 
(What if death is here all the time?! the backdrop, the background...)

Joy's jyn on death
Situation: I  watched and heard a video of  Mary Neal's experience of death.
Present! - Mary Neal's Near-Death Experience
 
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=as6yslz-RDw

1. I am angry at death (the beauty, love, feeling of welcome home as described by Mary Neal) because 
you/it is not available to me now.You are hiding. You are separate from me. You only share yourself with other people.

2. I want you to share your beauty and freedom  with me now.

3. You shouldn't hide, appear only to other people, expose yourself for only short times. You shouldn't be a momentary pleasure.
You shouldn't be separate and distant.

4. I need you to give me a peek, to reassure me, to let me feel the Love, to be available to me  at any time,
to never leave me(my awareness)

5. You are partial, unfair, not enough, taunting, elusive, cruel, hearsay.

6. I don't ever want to be left out again.
I don't ever want to just have to experience it through someone else again.
I don't ever want to have to wait for such Love.

Inquiry:
"You/death are not available to me now."

1. Is it true? no
3. How do I react when I believe that thought? 
I feel left out, like a little kid not getting picked for a team.
I feel sad, angry at God/Reality, depressed, deprived, helpless(nothing I can do about it) powerless,
I see Life/God/Reality as cruel. I think I just have to suffer. I feel like there is nothing I can do--no control,
I want to die--to get it over with. I feel cut off, forgotten, not a priority. (Father is too busy; just wait your turn)
I see me as less than Mary Neal. 

I have the image of someone getting a better Christmas present than me--jealousy.
I see people in high school wearing "better" clothes--having more money and choices, even about college). I see a girl's haircut in first grade and I want what she has.

I feel tired, drained, limited.

How do I treat death when I think that beauty/death is not available to me now?

I make death be physical.

I make death something far away, in the future. 
I CREATE TIME. 
I make death a thing/image/something special.
(I don't see it happening ALL THE TIME.)

what if it's here all the time?!


the background,
the space,
the light
home
higher perspective

and I block the awareness of it, the Love,
with this thought/belief?

this feels truer.

I blind me to its presence/being.

I block the safety of it.

How do i treat "me" when I believe that thought?
"i" make "me" real--a real obstacle.

I don't see that thoughts keep "dying", leaving, passing through...over, over, over. WOW
I don't see that all thoughts are over...gone....in this moment.
i don't see there is space/death/peace between thoughts--
that there is nothing until a thought comes again.
I don't see that thoughts don't stay. No thought stays, that is passes through so quickly, that it has to be repeated to be born again.
I don't see that thoughts leave very quickly. They have a very short "life".
I don't have to wait long at all (for this beauty space of death--what i am without the identity of any thought.


I don't see that thoughts are temporary at best--if they exist at all (no proof).
I don't see that death is constant.-- over and over and over...
and I don't have to do anything to make it happen, to make thoughts go/die/pass. It's just the way of it.


I don't see that death is natural. I can just sit and watch.
I need do nothing to make them(thoughts/images) go. Already gone. I am free.
I do not see the world is over....
that it's a "new world" , new beginning, new thought when I open my eyes in the morning--that I have to relabel everything every moment
to tell a story,
and I have to keep telling it/believing/proving it, 'cuz it keeps leaving, leaving, leaving.

Who's business am i in when I believe "death is not available to me now."?

I see I have no business. I'm in death's business.
I'm in the future's business.
I'm in Reality's/Grace's  business--blaming, accusing, ranting.
I am not in charge of my evolution.

What do I get for believing Death/beauty isn't available to me now?

I get to keep the world of things, objects, limits--the dream world, the illusion of having something to hold on to, the illusion of something concrete.
I get hell, deprivation, a pity party, identity, to solidify, make concrete, a separate identity, false illusion of reality.
I get to suffer in hell forever, nothing better is possible.

I fail to see I'm dead to the person I was five minutes ago(not that person)--that all that, is gone/dead/over.
I fail to see I'm not that girl, woman, wife, person, thoughts, beliefs that I held in the past.

4. Who would I be without the thought "Death/beauty is not available to me now."

I see the images and story of Mary Neal are available to me now and whenever I want.
I see they are in my mind, and they only ever have been in my mind, even Mary Neal. I see if I tell 
myself its in the future or somewhere else, somewhere outside of myself, it hurts. That becomes my
experience.
I see it can't be for her, not me. It is the only experience I have ever known, can ever know. She and everything she says and does is in my  mind--my experience.

Without that thought I notice...isn't meditation really that (death/absence of thought/no thought/peace/beauty love)--
with eyes closed--no world, no body, no lack, no fear, no separation, no worry, no cravings, no guilt,
no shoulds, not in anybody else's business, no time, no space, wordless, free, peace.

I see my experience of "death" will be mine, not hers (she saw images of people...),
My experience will not be "past"--a  memory of her experience...even that is occurring now, to me.
I see "her experience" is just another image, idol, thing, "state of mind" to get--wanting something outside me I can have, get or lose.

(i've taken a break from this inquiry and I am coming back to it now while sitting in bed before going to sleep)

Without the thought death/beauty/love is not available to me now...

I see I am going "to sleep" very soon (my head is close to nodding) and I will "lose" the entire world--I'm dying.
I see it is inevitable. I cannot stop this "falling asleep." It's here, coming. It comes every night, every "day" , evening. And it's so fine. Like physical death, I cannot stop it. No choice. I am no body when I am asleep. Thought ends. Identity ends. Good night. Good Death. And it's really OK. I am fine. It's kind. I love going to bed/death. There is no fear. No loss. 

Turnaround:
"Death/Beauty/Love is available to me now."

Without the thought that it is not available, I am at peace.
I don't need time/a future without that thought.
There is no need or want.

When I simply ask
and sit in the question (not knowing...anything)
that is death
and so beautiful,
no identity

when I notice all the thoughts are over,(they've already been thought...no new thoughts, no new life in those thoughts, no creativity, just rehashed)
that there is no proof they ever existed
and without any past/gone thoughts, I don't know who or what I am.
I have no idea,
no words for it, 
without any labels,

no bodies,
so spacious
completely unblocked
unconstricted,
uncontracted,
at ease
no pressure,
no image (to keep up)
no stress
grace
no past, no future

no thing else




love, Joy

I just spent three days planning a workshop for November.
After "choosing" an exercise for us to do, "What I don't want you to know about me,"  I had the thought "I shouldn't do that exercise."
This didn't feel like a little thought. It felt HUGE and terrifying!
How do I react when I think the thought, "I shouldn't do that exercise?" (and I've spent three days planning and I've sent the curriculum in to be approved by "Katie.")

I feel debilitated, literally. My body is completely drained of energy. I am terrified: I have images of people leaving, walking out, refusing to do the exercise, feeling alienated. I think I should at least wait until later in the workshop than do it first thing. I fear I'll get a bad evaluation. I fear Katie will hear about it and not approve and I will get decertified. I won't be able to do The Work I love. I'll be a failure. I'll alienate people. They will ask for their money back. The will be turned off to The Work. People will be angry, upset, disappointed, confused.
They will fake it and not be real. I am so in their business.
I see it is the death of the workshop. It's the death of my relationship with these people.
I feel terrified--almost paralyzed. There is huge pressure in my chest and tension in my whole head. I am sure that if this keeps up I am going to have a headache. I feel depressed, incapable and unqualified.
I betray myself.
I feel literally like I am cutting off  my own legs.  I feel like I am slitting my own throat. I see me as asking for rejection. Image:  walking naked in front of the courthouse--making a fool of myself. Of course people are going to "freeze up"--image of a cat with its furred raised up when it's terrified.
I see participants feeling undermined, betrayed, tricked, not trusting. I project they think they came for something else. I see them as unwilling, closed, defensive, just wanting to "be spiritual" and "take the pretty path".

I also see the people as something I am trying to "get" from.
I am dying for their approval.
I'll do anything--lie, pretend, lie belly up to make me "look good", to "make people happy" which proves to me I am okay.
I betray the participants by not "staying Home" in my business, by not being true to myself, by not sharing my depth and my willingness to be totally open and hide nothing. I deprive them of this priceless gift, to witness it.  I deprive myself my Self.

I deny the gift of my humanity--pretending to be something else, someone else, some cardboard, "spiritually evolved" facilitator image.  I want to look good--oh yes..."I've" done my work. I deny them my complete honesty and vulnerability. I deprive myself and them of the simple direction from my Heart--the Value of this Exercise.  It's not personal, Joy! It's not about you. (I make it personal when I believe the thought "I shouldn't do this exercise." It becomes all about "me"/Joy.) It's not even "Katie's exercise" (found in her book, I need Your Love, p. 208).
It's a timeless passage we all must at some point confront and surrender to completely. What are the dark spots that still keep "me" living the lie that I am anything but Love?
That's why it feels like jumping off a precipice....it is the end of the ego's ruling. "Don't do that, Joy, if you want to have friends, survive, and get what you need to be happy."

Who or what would I be without the thought, "I shouldn't do that exercise?"
I see how it chose me--how attracted I was to it when I first encountered it. There was no "decision". It lit me up. I recognize the power, value, and potential of the exercise. I recall how healing and compelling it felt for me when I shared my shameful thoughts I had kept to myself for SO long. How else could I ever realize how innocent I was? How could I ever receive all the love, compassion and support I was met with. I HAD to jump ship to experience for myself that the Ocean of Love would support me... To find out, It was the hiding that was killing me.

Without that thought, my whole body opened up. My whole mind opened, opened, opened, relaxed, dilated.
I am really curious and looking forward to doing the exercise. I see they are just thoughts, words on paper...and I see how much power I can give them, and how silly I am to be afraid of a thought.

Without that thought, I see the participants are my perfect mirror image--My Heart. Sparkling eyes, ready, willing, precious, 100% wanting to experience the exact same thing I do...freedom, honesty, kindness, love, deep inner peace and the end of judgment. I see they "get it". They, too, are no longer fooled by the idea that hiding from ideas is freedom.

I am so honored and  grateful to be in their presence. I see they are supporting me and this Work. They, too, are grateful. My sense of humor has returned. I actually laugh at my terror. I am so grateful for this Work that can literally move me from disabling, debilitating fear to laughter and gratitude in a few pages of writing or even while I am in the shower or laying in bed.

"...it is only the hidden that can terrify, not for what it is, but for its hiddeness."
(A Course in MIracles, p285)

I warmly invite you to join me. Embracing the Blocks to Love: or There's Gold in Them Thar Judgments. Friday, November 1, 7-9:30 p.m. and Saturday, November 2, 9:30 a.m.-4:30 p.m, 2013.
Rocky Mountain Miracles Center, Denver, Colorado. For more info please check my services page.

Peace and love to all of you,
Joy